WET WITH A CHANCE OF RAIN IN FIORDLAND

It’s on every self-respecting Wannabe Adventurer bucket list. The ‘World’s Finest Walk’ – the wonderful Milford Track. What they fail to tell you in the marketing material is that this is a region that gets a soggy 9-ish metres of rain a year. They save that little gem up for the pep talk when you are already a day of hiking in and too committed and too proud to turn around. This is also the time they mention the required use of the ‘Emergency Track’, although the relevance of this can’t be fully grasped at this point, and won’t be until one finds themselves a day later clambering into the valley down what is more reasonably described as a waterfall with signposts. Other potentially relevant omissions include the fact that winds on the Pass can get up to 120kmph and at these times hikers (including those with heavy, unstable packs) are required to crawl along the track clutching at the tussocks to avoid being swept off the cliff dropping sharply off into the valley below. This is only disclosed at the shelter reached well PAST the cliff and crossing in question…

For us we had what is probably ‘average’ weather, a bit of sun, a day of intense rain, and thankfully only ‘mild’ winds on the crossing. Unfortunately we didn’t get views from the Pass, but we did get the most fantastic descent into the valley, navigating our way around (and lets be honest, through) spontaneous waterfalls gushing out from the steep rock walls, listening to the echoing of fresh avalanches, and wandering into and out of mysteriously low clouds clinging to this very rugged ravine of native forest.

I won’t say any more about the beautiful scenery. There are photos below, or for better ones, google it.

Plus, I am all too keen to get to one of the more unexpected (although every bit as memorable) highlights of the trip…the Department of Conservation Hut Rangers.

Each night the Hut Ranger would give a talk to cover off fire safety and any particular track conditions to be aware of. However, the best Rangers are determined to grab this opportunity to be the centre of attention and throw in a highly entertaining One-Man-Show, free of charge. We should have seen it coming. It takes a special kind of person to sign themselves up for extended periods of solitude in the sorts of remote locations we are talking about.

We had jokes so awkward they would have been well at home in an episode of The Office (English version, of course), a full volume female kiwi impersonation, a “surprise” mid-sentence interruption of a dead stoat, and finally – my personal favourite and the clear winner in the end – the musical performance on a home made flute, during which I was unable to control myself and in the end had to surrender to the blatant rudeness of a laughing fit that was almost as loud as the performance itself. To the credit of my fellow campers, everyone else was able to maintain composure with nothing more than a slight bite of the lip or a tell-tale smirk. And to his credit, with impeccable professionalism, the Artist didn’t allow my out of control gasping to disturb his performance zone and continued in complete seriousness through the act.

Note to self for next time we decide to test our fledgling marriage through an endeavour into the wilderness:

• Take cards…there isn’t much to do when you are "getting away from it all". In fact, maybe whoever came up with that phrase should have been more specific and come right out and said "getting away from all that comfort, entertainment, and comfortable nights sleep we've been getting lately"
• Take real food if you are fit enough to carry it. We were however able to convert our Routeburn Track "food envy" to Milford Track "food smugness" a week later at the expense of fellow, even-more-novice-than-us campers by cracking out fresh steak and vegetables while those around us poured hot water onto their light weight but entirely unappetising portions of dehydrated meats
• Speaking of smugness, well done DP for actually checking the weather forecast...and knowing how to avoid early-marital conflict through a last minute upgrade from tent to huts on the Routeburn. This little bit of insight and pro-activeness had us positively gloating as we walked straight past the tent folk and into the huts each night, congratulating ourselves on a great decision, and wondering smugly how those dirty campers were getting on with drying their stuff inside an already wet two-man tent
• Never take a dehydrated hot breakfast and never take more than one pack of a dehydrated meal you haven’t pre-tested
• Don't tell your mum about helicopter crossings or avalanche zones until ALL planned hikes are completed, or otherwise be prepared for the "Go" button being pushed on a large scale overland search

Lots of love,

Mr and Mrs P

Trying to pack for a hike in the back of a van in the pouring rain...a REAL sense of humour tester

Soggy but loving it and still loving each other...

NOT happy about being asked for a photo while trying to avoid getting hyperthermia...loving DP a little LESS at this moment...

Yes this is the path...

OK...giving in to being saturated!

Hut life

We are currently in disagreement over which one of us is the photographer of this magical shot!

What a sight to finish a trek on! Well worth it

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